......

For some reason I just wanted to type so here I am. . . I didn't even think about what I would write about today but I figured I would surprise myself. I'd say the public but I know many people won't read this so whatever. As I sit here thinking about random thoughts that come to my mind...weight seems to repeat in my mind.

When I was in high school I was about 5'5 and weighed 215 lbs. never did I feel like I was BIG... As the years went by the weight stayed balanced. It wasn't until summer 2010 where I moved away and worked multiple jobs to save up for college. When I moved back a couple months later, people started to make remarks about my weight loss and what was I doing. I honestly didn't notice it until I started to wear my old clothes that were kind of baggy. At that moment I decided to weigh myself and the scale read 175, I couldn't believe it. After losing so much weight I still felt self conscious and decided that I would maintain my weigh by working out everyday.

Now five years later I can say that I have gained some weight which has brought my pants two size up. As I type this I feel kind of embarrassed and can't believe I have allowed it. I will say that I don't feel that way when i'm in my clothes. I stand at the point that I love my body. Will it come to the moment that I will ever be as skinny as the models around the world? No. Many people have different terms for my body type; fat, thick, phat, nasty, perfect. I see it as...ME this is my body and well it's not going to change unless I get up and do something about it. I use to workout five times a week and now it's never. I still go running because I enjoy it but can I run a mile in a minute? Not anymore, I have falling deeply in love with food and it's ridiculous. They say when you surround yourself with people that workout you are more likely to workout as well. I believe that is true because when I was back home in college most of my guy friends were athletes and they would push me and encourage me to workout. It was so bad that one of my guy friend would give me 15 minutes to make it to the gym once I got off work. I worked at the college so it was a walking distance that was  not even a minute from the office to the gym. Of course I would have to changed attire before doing my workout so he would wait for me and make sure I wasn't killing time. He was a great workout partner/trainer but now I work elsewhere that doesn't have a gym connected to it. And if you ask me I feel that it just makes it easier to put it off.

Yesterday I went and did some shopping and I found the most cutest tops and bottoms that I just had to have! Very cute, very Rica style. Well lets just say by the time I tired on the second pair of jeans I was very upset with the result.....I wouldn't go up. It really just pissed me off and of course I was ready to leave. I tried about 12 items and I only ended up fitting and purchasing half the items. I was really bummed, I freaking love to shop and even when there is great deals going on. So I guess I can say this is probably some of a wake up call but yet I have no motivation. The old Rica would get the shit done, even after so many downfalls. I honestly don't know what I need to do to get motivated. Could it be the fact that I feel fine with my body until it is time to go shopping? I really don't know I just wish this motivation would kick me and say you better get your sh*t together because graduation is only 60 something more days and you can't look this type of way.

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